Sunday, March 29, 2009

A John Kerry parody

Straight news from the El Paso Times - - -

Members of a U.S. Senate committee headed by former presidential candidate John Kerry are coming to El Paso for a closer examination of the drug war in Mexico that so far has taken 2,000 lives in Juárez alone.

Kerry, D-Mass., and two other members of his Senate Foreign Relations Committee will be in El Paso on Monday for a public hearing on U.S.-Mexico border violence. …

Kerry said senators would visit El Paso because of the magnitude of the drug war and its fallout.

"The drug-related violence at the border has sent shock waves through both countries, and we need to increase cooperation between the United States and Mexico to combat it before it reaches a tipping point," he said in a statement. …

The entire EP Times story’s here.

Also straight news from years past:

First, excerpts from John Kerry’s April 1971 statement before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee in which he accused our military in Vietnam of

“war crimes committed in Southeast Asia, not isolated incidents but crimes committed on a day-to-day basis with the full awareness of officers at all levels of command....

[American forces serving in Vietnam] personally raped, cut off ears, cut off heads, taped wires from portable telephones to human genitals and turned up the power, cut off limbs, blown up bodies, randomly shot at civilians, razed villages in fashion reminiscent of Genghis Khan, shot cattle and dogs for fun, poisoned food stocks, and generally ravaged the countryside of South Vietnam[.]”
Second, despite April 2004 and subsequent claims to the contrary by Sen. Kerry and his media flacks, he’s never signed and sent to the Navy Form 180, which will permit the public release of ALL his Navy records.

All the foregoing straight news leads me to a brief parody:


President Obama again today expressed his outrage at the kidnapping of Sen. John Kerry yesterday in El Paso. The kidnapping occurred in the midst of a Senate hearing into the activities of Mexican drug cartels.

At the time Kerry was questioning a witness believed to be a middle-ranking member of one of the most notorious cartels.

An obviously angry Kerry had just interrupted the witness demanding “Do you know who I am?” when masked gunman entered the hearing chamber.

As they grabbed the Senator and dragged him away he was heard to scream, “Please, take all my houses, SUVs, and motorized sailboat. I’ll recant my Senate smears. Sign Form 180. Anything!”

The President, when informed of what Kerry is alleged to have said, expressed some doubt.

“Sign a Form 180?” he asked aides. “That’s not the John Kerry I know.”


Anonymous said...

John: Wonderful parody. But is there anyone out there who'd pay a ransom to get that idiot back?
Tarheel Hawkeye

Anonymous said...

Not only are you incorrect about the Senator signing the proper forms releasing all his military information, this little parody of yours is dangerous and could lead to some threat against Senator Kerry. In all this is a very stupid parody.

Anonymous said...

To the 12.11: JinC is most certainly not incorrect. Kerry promised to sign the DD form permitting his entire 201 file to be released to the public in order to prove his contention that he was a true hero and was wounded in combat. He has not done as he promised. Where in the world did you come up with the conclusion that this would somehow lead to a threat to Kerry? Are you the phantom Libertarian again?
Tarheel Hawkeye