Carter’s Hamas Visit Outcomes (a parody)

First, he defects.

You say: “So what? He’s already working for Hamas.”

Well, sure, but until now it’s only been part-time.

Imagine what will happen when he’s full-time with Hamas.

Remember what he did to America in just four years?

The Palestinians think their economy’s a wreck now?

Wait til they see what happens when Carter starts helping them.

When things go from very bad to even worse, Carter delivers a speech about “the malaise out there in Gaza.”

A few days later, he reveals at Huffington Post he’s become a Muslim “because that’s in the interests of world peace.” He's also taken a second wife.

She’s Yassir Arafat’s widow.

Her dowry is a $100 million gift from her former husband’s estimated $1 billion plus estate to the Carter Center.

Carter jokes with the press that the $100 million “ain’t peanuts,” before pledging the Carter Center will use the money “to advance the cause of world peace.”

By this time a month has passed and Hamas leaders agree “Sheik Carter” has done all he can for them. They beg the Israelis to let him leave the area of Gaza they control.

Israel at first refuses, but negotiations ensue.

Soon the first ever direct agreement between Hamas and Israel is reached.

In exchange for Israel letting Carter enter its country and take a flight back to the U. S., Hamas agrees to first refrain from any act of terrorism for three months.

Carter says, “I’m proud to have played a part in bringing Hamas and Israel together.”